I promised I’d be honest when documenting this whole experience. I don’t want to throw negative or fearful thoughts about my life into the universe, but I also don’t want to pretend this decision is easy. 

There is only one month left until I move to California. I sold my car a few days ago. For the first time since I was 16, I’m car-less. 

I talk about how much I cannot wait to get out of Minnesota, but I already find myself fearful of missing the small things. Like being able to drive down University when I need to laugh about the summer of 8th grade. Or calling my friends to meet me for drinks on the drop of a dime. And even cursing the baby locks on every single cabinet in my sisters home, which she lets me live in. 

The weirdest part is that I only become consumed with fear when it is me questioning myself. When other people ask me “how will you get around there?”, “do you have a job yet?”, “do you have a place to live lined up yet?”, “do you know how expensive everything is?”… I don’t even blink, I don’t even offer them an explanation, I just believe in myself. It almost fuels me more.

Is that normal? Eh. Recently, someone that I care about told me that I’m not normal and I don’t make normal decisions. I think he meant that as a stab, as a negative quality, but I’m going to chalk that one up as a plus. 

Cheers to staying focused, and riding the wave, the highs and lows.

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